'I recognised how deep into a hole I put myself' – Veronica Ewers returns to racing after eating disorder recovery

After nine months away from racing a long stint off the bike, American pro Veronica Ewers made a quiet but significant return to racing last month, pinning on a number for the first time after entering recovery for RED-S and an eating disorder.

Last June, after hitting what she now calls "rock bottom", the EF Education-Oatly racer and her team announced that she would take the rest of 2024 to focus on her mental and physical health. Until recently, she hadn't raced since the US Nationals last May.

Just a few months ago, the prospect of the 30-year-old racing the early-season races or the spring Classics seemed a no-go – she only got back on the bike in November, and started training properly in January. An initial return date was set for May, but the opportunity to be on a start line again came up sooner.

"We had a camp in November, and at that point the team was saying I likely wouldn’t race until May of this year," Ewers explained to Cyclingnews on Tuesday.

"I was a bit disappointed at first, because I did think I was ready to race, and I said I’d really like to race sooner than May. At that point, in November or December of last year, they said 'We understand, let's take it week by week, month by month, see how things are' and so I just worked with my coach, looking ahead and trying to progress as much as I could.

“With my time off and through my recovery, I really progressed a lot and better than maybe the team expected when it came to my mental health and physical health as well. So then, come our January camp, they gave me the opportunity to start racing in March, but then just before our most recent team camp in February, they said they wanted me to race Almeria."

Neither Ewers nor her team knew exactly how she would fare returning to the European peloton, but that first test at the Clásica de Almeria in Spain was positive. 

"I had a lot of anxiety going into the first race, just because I’ve not been in the bunch since May of last year, so I was quite nervous to be in the bunch,“ she explained.

"But I was pleasantly surprised with how I felt. I didn't feel as nervous and I didn't feel I was as skittish as I thought I would be. I'm at a place mentally where I'm giving myself a little bit more grace through races, so it's been really good, and then also just being with the team at races and in that environment has been really fun. I did miss that."

Then, a week later, Ewers found herself a late addition to the team's Omloop Het Nieuwsblad squad – more of a baptism of fire for the small rider who had never ridden the Opening Weekend Classic before.

"The race was on Saturday and I was told on Wednesday that I would be doing it," she recalled. "I was quite nervous, because I do know Opening Weekend is very chaotic and it's a big deal. Initially I was a bit upset that I was getting the last-minute call, because it's such a chaotic race.

"But like I said, I was given a role, I didn't necessarily fulfil that role but I was able to take it as a learning opportunity and be in the bunch again and really learn from my mistakes, because it is a race where you need to be extremely focused and be in the right place at the right time to conserve energy.

"I've never experienced Opening Weekend before, so just the atmosphere was pretty incredible. I'd only seen it from afar the last few years, so being at the station for sign on and whatnot – that was a really cool experience. Then of course, going up the Muur with all the people around was incredible."

The road to recovery

Being able to ride up the Muur van Geraardsbergen in the WorldTour peloton is something that has only been possible for Ewers after a long, cautious recovery from a longstanding eating disorder.

RED-S, or relative energy deficiency in sport, is a condition that stems from hormone imbalances often caused by over-exercising or under-fueling. It's a condition that can disproportionately affect endurance athletes, but for Ewers, a former footballer and athlete for most of her life, her difficult relationship with food and exercise predated her cycling career.

With her struggles not abating in 2024, eventually something snapped – Ewers hit her lowest point, but also the point that set her onto the path of recovery.

"Ultimately, I had bad habits, I had an eating disorder, which was impacting my hormonal health as well as my performance," she said. "I think it's really unfortunate that so many people struggle with this, and really the only way to recover is to have some sort of realisation moment, a moment where your brain just clicks and you decide 'I need to change something and fully commit to recovering and improving'.

"I don't know what caused that click moment in my brain, but I was just so exhausted and mentally drained and sad and I just knew that things could be – should be – so much better than where I was."

What that recovery has looked like in practice was several months off the bike, very little physical activity of any kind – bar some lifting to mitigate the risk of osteoporosis from RED-S – and a lot of work on her mental health, all with the support from her team EF Education-Oatly.

"I was very lucky to have the team supporting me and giving me the opportunity to take the break. They could see that I was clearly struggling mentally and physically, so they gave me that opportunity, but I also sought out help from a therapist and a dietitian, both who specialised in eating disorders and RED-S recovery.

"I am so fortunate to have both of them in my life, and they also work with the team doctor and my coach, so I had that support team with me throughout the beginning of my recovery and up until now.

"Physically, as my hormonal health improved, I was able to start incorporating exercise more. I think October was when I got on the bike again, and I was doing eight hours [per week] to start, and then maybe November was the first time I got back into double digit hours. Then come January was really the start of when I was getting back into proper training."

It was only being away from sport that allowed Ewers to really reflect on how unwell she had become.

"It was a good chunk of time off the bike, and a lot of time to just recover. I think it made me just recognise how deep into a hole I had put myself. I feel really lucky that I had that click moment, and that I had a team around me, both my cycling team and my support team, who gave me the opportunity and the help to climb out of that hole."

Amongst the hard work, Ewers also reflected on all the positives of a break from being an athlete – getting to travel Europe, finding small hobbies and comforts, reconnecting with the idea of 'home' after a nomadic lifestyle.

Speaking to Ewers, it's clear that focusing on her happiness has been as much of a tool to returning to racing as her physical recovery.

A clean slate in 2025

What 2025 will look like for Ewers is not yet certain. Two races in, the positive signs are there. Her physical and hormonal health is much improved, her mental state is more balanced, but there's still a lot Ewers doesn't know about herself as a rider.

Perhaps more so than other disciplines, road cycling is a sport where weight and food can become very controlled, and so the risk of falling into bad habits when returning to the sport is always possible.

"I had struggled for over ten years at that point, so it started before I even got into cycling, but once I initially got into the cycling world, it did really heighten those issues," Ewers explained.

"But going back, I have my support team around me, I have a lot of tools that I can use to cope with anything that comes up. I have been on antidepressants for a while now, and I've definitely seen the benefits of that, and I'm sure it's that on top of properly fueling that has put me into a headspace that is much more relaxed.

"I definitely have moments being in the cycling world and with the team that are triggering and hard to be around, but I have the people in my life who I can go to when I am having those difficult moments."

Despite some possible triggers, though, belonging to a team is ultimately what drives Ewers, who has known little else as an athlete.

"I think just being with the team again," was Ewers' answer to what she's most looking forward to this year. "I've been an athlete for most of my life, and I've been part of a team for that entire time. So being with my teammates and in that team environment is really where I find my sense of community and that's part of my identity."

On an individual level, it's clear that putting the pressure of results-based goals is not what Ewers needs right now. A break-out GC ride at the Tour de France in 2022 is what put her name on the map, but there's no set expectation of what kind of rider she'll be this year.

For the moment, she's set to line up at the Trofeo Alfredo Binda. Ewers will make her debut at the Italian Women's WorldTour race on March 16.

"I'm really excited to get back in the bunch and take this year as a year of discovery and see where I'll go and what kind of rider I might be now and just start with a clean slate," she said.

"I want to find a place where I feel more confident in myself as a rider. Because I know I have that potentially somewhere, and I want to find that potential this year.

"Maybe that's not results-wise, maybe it's just finding the small wins a bit better within the races and going from there. I think that's what I want this year – to have a glimpse into the potential that I have and really find the fun again in cycling."