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Okay so I had fun racing World Cups!(Image credit: Marc Simard)

November 8, 2007

Somewhere in 2007 I hit an unspectacular slump in mood and form. I was tired after Nationals in February, yet despite ongoing illness and declining motivation I continued training and racing. I went overseas feeling exhausted and in need of a break,and not surprisingly I returned home from racing World Cups feeling completely cooked. I was frustrated with my form overseas - I was tired, my legs weren't strong enough, my starts weren't fast enough and I felt as though I wasn't good enough to be racing World Cups. By the time I returned home I was desperate to improve as a cyclist, but was mentally and physically exhausted.

My decision to miss out on representing Australia at Fort William was therefore a difficult one - my indecision is probably well reflected by the fact that I didn't actually decide to stay home until a day and a half before my plane departed! I desperately wanted to go back overseas and despite trying to force the training, my body was run down and I knew I needed a break. My bank account was also telling me I should stay home!

Also, I needed a break now so that I could prepare myself for next year's World Cup season and Olympic selection process. The task of peaking for Worlds in August, and then Nationals in January, and then Oceanias and World Cups and next year's World Champs seemed impossible. So I opted to sacrifice the short term and stay home, earn some money and have time away from training and racing. I am still extremely disappointed about missing out on Worlds, however I feel that it was the right decision to stay home, rest, and work hard towards being stronger (and hopefully faster) for 2008.

My decision to miss out on World Championships was rational and objective, yet although I knew I had to stay focused on the bigger picture, I did feel like I had failed. I am admittedly a little emotional, so pretty soon objectivity was lost and my little cycling world came tumbling down. I wanted nothing to do with cycling and managed to ignore and avoid everything to do with mountain biking. I went skiing and walking instead of riding, and announced to Tim and Ruby that I was done with cycling and would never ride again. It really was quite bizarre.

Luckily Tim knows me well and suggested that I do a little bit of cycling 'just in case' I decide that I might want to return to mountain biking. So I did do some cycling, in amongst the working and skiing and complaining. Admittedly most of my sessions involved me heading out in my gloom and returning home a few hours later grumbling about being tired and cold and telling anyone who would listen how glad I was that I had quit cycling.

My weaknesses as a cyclist were made glaringly obvious during races overseas, in particular my lack of leg strength. I think this lack of strength is mainly because of my accident and the fact that I have avoided any activities that load up the lower back of left leg. I still have very compromised muscle function, my left hip flexor is useless and I feel like I pedal in a style similar to Nemo, the crooked little cartoon fish in Finding Nemo. Tim is a brilliant physio and works hard to help me to be the best I can be with what I've got, which sometimes doesn't seem like a lot! So I'm trying to be disciplined and avoid my strengths so I can work hard at improving the weaknesses - always tough on the ego!